"I was brought up to be a proud American, which means opening your friggin' mouth." -- Harvey Fierstein
How many times have we played the shrinking violet? Women do this so often it's about as predictable as the sun rising and setting. We're told that we have to play nice when we're younger. We're punished in high school if we dare to be different. We're too afraid to break free from the norm at the workplace, lest our bosses look down on us and pass us over for that great promotion we've been eyeing.
But being a martyr gets you nowhere. For example, in the book, The Sacrificial Mother, the author Carin Rubenstein, Ph.D., says, "When women give birth, they're primed to use their expertise in the art of sacrifice. They become professionals at compromise, queens of concession. For many mothers, self-denial feels good. They feel righteous giving of themselves: They are Joan of Arc, Florence Nightengale, and Mother Teresa, all rolled into one tightly wrapped sacrificial package." The only problem is, as the author deftly discusses, while women are predisposed to have an enormous capacity for empathy and a willingness to sacrifice, "mothers who sacrifice too much harm both themselves and their children in the process."
Even being Sacrificial Supermom ain't the way to go, folks! "...[women's] large capacity for empathy might very well be what makes women so vulnerable to feeling guilty and depressed. Feeling so deeply for other people makes it harder for women to recognize their own needs. Because they use up so much of their emotional resereve on other people, worrying about the well-being of those they love, more of them suffer from depression. The moral: Being nice carries a price."
The moral to this story? Starting TODAY, it's not about morphing into the Queen of Mean, but it IS all about you opening your firggin' mouth and standing up for yours, sister! Tell your boss you deserve that raise. Break from the pack at the office or in the schoolyard to be who you want to be. Ask for what you want in a relationship. Tell your sister to mind her own business. Give anyone the boot who doesn't understand that you want what you want...unless they're children, of course. But in their case, they'll just have to deal with it if you want to stay home for once instead of race to a playdate. They'll have to learn the hard way that they'd better clean their rooms and/or otherwise obey you or they lose their allowance or privileges or radio or computer in their room or whatever. Tell people what you're thinking. Let them know what you need. Because you know what? They probably have a clue about it as it is...but if they're not doing anything to help you, it may be because they figure they don't have to. Well, aren't you going to turn the tables today?
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