"Few [wo]men during their lifetime come anywhere near exhausting the resources dwelling within them. There are deep wells of strength that are never used." -- Richard E. Byrd
When you believe you are ready to exhaust your personal resources, when you are forced to face problem after problem, back to back without relief, what happens? Do you curl up in a ball and whine, or do you dig deep within yourself, tap your hidden resources, and get that much-needed second wind? I used to do the former, but since finding my way several years ago, I have certainly gotten myself to do the latter.
The past few days have been a perfect example. No blog posts for a reason: I was hit with not one, but two emergencies simultaneously, and while I tried to wrestle my way through both of them, my cell phone rang perpetually (I still am a practicing attorney). You know how hard it is to haul yourself to the doctor's, short of breath, red-faced and sweaty, and see that your cell phone's screen lists not one, not two, not three but EIGHT voicemail messages need to be answered...and it's only been half an hour? And you know they're important, but how can you answer them when you might be in a hospital later on, depending on what the doctor says following his examination? And then you get home from said doctor's visit, following several hours of monitoring and six tubes of blood extracted from your veins, only to find that one of your two beloved eight-year old cats is lying in a pool of vomit, urine and excrement?
Talk about digging deep and finding one's second wind! I got her to the vet. I multitasked of course. I cried while I drove her there and handed her off to the vet. I screamed to vent out my frustration on the drive back home, since she had to be kept overnight for ultrasounds, x-rays, blood tests and intravenous treatment. The next day, the blood test results for ME had come in...and my doctor needed to see me again. The verdict? I am a pre-diabetic, who needs treatment via medication. And although I'd been eating pretty well before this diagnosis, I now had to completely give up soda and cut way, way back to almost nothing on sugar and starch, else risk floating into full-blown adult diabetes. Then the blood test results came back on the cat, who I had to pick up very soon afterward, and of course I left the vet's office hundreds of dollars lighter than when I came in, with a tube of liquid medicine to give my baby from now on orally, as well as a humongous bag of special food to feed her.
The old me would have thrown a pity party, for myself, my sweetheart, my family and all of my friends to attend. But what the hell does that do anyway? I merely picked myself up by the proverbial bootstraps and did what I had to do. Why? I've learned a valuable lesson through the years. Life is like a roller coaster: if you keep your eyes closed and duck and cover through the scary parts of the ride, you will end up infinitely more sick to your stomach as a result.
The advice I'm going to give you is going to sound simplistic and smug, but it's advice that I follow and with very good results. It's never failed, this advice. You need to do your best to follow it, because it works. When faced with adversity, no matter how shocking, frightening, or crazy, you have to suck it up, and steel yourself with a statement of "So what?" and calm down, so that you can reach within yourself and find that second wind. I said "So what?" for example, when I found that I was pre-diabetic. It might have upset me to find that I wasn't "normal" and may get the full-blown disease. But I said "So what?" because, thank God, I didn't have cancer, AIDS, heart disease, or a variety of other maladies that the doctor tested me for. I need to swallow one pill a day, possibly on a temporary basis. We'll see. I have to dramatically cut down on sugar and starch. Know what? The medication I've found absolutely dulls my desire for these things. Yay! I wasn't overdosing on them to begin with, but it's a nice added extra to not even have the urge. And although I could have croaked when I saw the bill for my cat, I said, "So what?" Because you know, I'd rather pay the money than lose my cat. And I know that I can pay that bill off through hard work and cutting back on some unnecessary expenses. This, too, shall pass.
I mean, that's an explanation for the past few days. It's been crazy, it's been at times frightening, but it's life. The highs can be high, and Lord knows the lows are very low, but...so what? That's life for you! I'd rather be living it than not! I can get through the life changes necessary to keep moving forward through my diagnosis. I can pay down the debt from the cat. Men have left me and I've not died. I've been downsized from jobs and found better ones. No matter what life throws at me, I take a deep breath, keep my eyes open, and grab the proverbial roll bar on the roller coaster. I come out the victor each time, even if it's in ways I couldn't have anticipated. And if I can do it, my sisters, certainly you can too. You have so much strength, so many resources tucked away inside you...but if you keep your eyes shut and holler your lungs out without doing anything else, you're never going to find it. I urge you to believe that you have within you everything that you need to succeed in life. If you believe it, you will see it!
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