"Go within every day and find the inner strength so that the world will not blow your candle out." --Katherine Dunham
There have certainly been days that I have felt helpless. When my beloved Nanny lay dying and no one could do anything to save her life or make her more comfortable, that's the pinnacle of helplessness. But on more normal, less nadir-like days, I've felt helpless here and there, too. For example, when I was hired on to one particular law firm and we had an understanding about what my job responsibilities were, and then, a year later, I was being crushed with not one, but TWO additional legal departments' worth of files, I vented to my partner about how unfair it was and that I needed a raise...and he shut me down and in essence refused me. And I couldn't leave at that particular moment, because of a financial goal I needed to attain. Man, I felt helpless. But let's face it...who am I kidding? It's easy enough to feel helpless when you're stuck in traffic, trying to get to work on time. Or when you're struggling with a toddler who's melting down in public and your husband isn't there to help you. Etc. Etc. Etc.
The question becomes what to do under such circumstances. Do you just shake it off? Sometimes that works, sure. But often times...NOT! Maybe you bombard yourself with positive-think-y thoughts and/or mantras. Yeah, that might work too, but for me...NOT!!! I feel beyond cheesy trying to do that. Some folks can pull that off, and I think that's great. I'm not trying to discourage you...do whatever works, by all means. But what if you're like me? You can't just flip the situation that induces the feelings of helplessness the middle finger, you can't just shake it off, you can't blue-sky it away....
Let's use the example of me being stuck (temporarily) in a job where I want to stay because the pay is decent enough for me to meet a short-term goal. (Normally, I would walk out and find something else, and I think if you're stuck in a dead-end and/or toxic job--or even relationship--walking out is often in order, because you never know what great things are around the corner, as per my 3/18/07 post, below). OK. Telling myself that this isn't going to last forever helps. Outlining the rungs on the ladder that leads to the completion of my financial goal, in writing especially so that it is visible and tangible (ergo, possible) is another great thing to do. Getting lost in the routine of my day, shifting my focus to other things, is also useful, while I tick the days down until I've met my goal. (After all, there are how many other goals I'm trying to achieve simultaneously in my life...life isn't two-dimensional, and I'm certainly NOT all about just my job).
Responsible pursuits aren't the only way to push through the days...how about recreation? Tae Kwan Do and exercise in general are great ways for me to spend my spare time. I also eBay. How about you? Are you all work and no play? (It makes Jill a dull girl). Is there something fun and at the same time productive that you can do? Can you eBay the extra trash around the house that someone else will find a treasure, for example? Can you go for walks with your loved ones at the beginning or end of the day, sneaking in exercise while you socialize? These are just two examples...I'm sure if you put your mind to it, there are countless ways to think of fun things to do that pack an extra punch of positivity in your life.
Finally, it's hard to go it alone. I don't care how many hours you work, or how crazy your life is after work. Get thyself a cheering squad. If your parents are a healthy support system, great. If not, look to your friends outside of work. Or even co-workers with whom you've struck a relationship. If for some reason you work alone, live alone, and otherwise function solo like you're in some proverbial bubble (hey, it happens I'm sure...or something awfully close), there are STILL ways to earn yourself an emotional support system. There's personal/life coaches who you can consult with, even on the phone or electronically if you can't scrounge up the time to travel them. There's counselors who do phone consults, who can basically double as a life coach and probably for the price of a co-pay. (Wait a minute, don't frown...counselors can be great short-term support systems without you having to have some sort of major mental and/or emotional issue going on, and no one but you has to know you're chit-chatting with a professional of this sort...and if you just so happen to find out that there's an issue you haven't dealt with from your past, to me that's an added bonus, since you'll function so much better once you've cleaned out your emotional closet...but I digress). Last but not least, I'm sure there's a bulletin board or chat group somewhere out there on the vast, endless Net that serves a cheering section function, where people buddy up and give each other praise and support for meeting goals and getting through life's ugly times. Just pull up your search engine, plug in your issue and something like "support group" "focus group" or "interest group" and I'm sure you'll find a friend.
There's no point in succumbing to helplessness. All you do is sentence yourself to a downward spiral of misery, and really, you don't want to be there. It doesn't make you feel better. I'm all about venting to let off steam, but since we're all finite creatures at some point, honestly, your venting is done and all you're doing is hitting the replay button to recreate the sadness all over again. If you're bright enough to log onto the Internet and find this blog, you're way too smart to do something like that to yourself. You have to pick yourself up by the bootstraps and detach yourself from the helplessness leech that's sucking your soul dry. Maybe you can do it through wearing rose-colored glasses, and if that works, great. But nothing's wrong with quantifying and qualifying the problem and the proposed solutions, balancing your life with work and play, and calling in the emotional cavalry. You deserve a break, and if life isn't automatically doling you out one, as is so often the case, then carve one out for yourself. Reverse the helplessness. I'm a mere mortal that does it every day. I'm not sitting on a million dollar cadre of cash, I'm not a supermodel. Hell, it's totally possible to get out of the helplessness rut if an ordinary average girl like myself can! That's great news, trust me!
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