Woman-101: The Basics of Being A Woman

Dreams Do Come True

You know, it's fascinating...I'm looking back over my old blog posts from years ago, and I realize, I didn't update you in terms of my Baby Quest...(the quest I underwent to get pregnant). 

Well, well, folks, remember all that stuff I said about never giving up, perseverance, listening to your gut, etc.? 

Check out my radiantly wonderful son, whom I birthed last November, and yes, he has both mine and daddy Steven's DNA!  NEVER DOUBT YOUR GUT.  WHEN IT TELLS YOU SOMETHING, LISTEN, EVEN IF NO ONE ELSE DOES!  If I had listened to my reproductive endocrinologist or any of his four predecessors, I would never have continued treatment...but after 1-1/2 years of sacrifice (of time, blood, energy, money) I succeeded!

Baby Bubba's blog is located at:  http://woman-101.typepad.com/bubbababy/

I will update that blog, too!  :)  Keep your dreams alive...they DO come true!

If At First You Don't Succeed...

Try, try again!

Everyone knows this, but how many people actually apply this hackneyed old phrase to their lives?

Guess what?  I'm no better than the average person!  But at least I finally put the pedal to the metal and get back to business...even if it hurts like hell to get back in the proverbial saddle again, because I want to help people, and I can't do that from a vacuum.  What do I mean?

I was posting on this original blog throughout a lot of 2006 and 2007, but then stopped somewhere around the time of a two week cruise my husband and I went on.  Well, I suppose you couldn't have blamed me for taking a much-deserved break, but when I came back from vacation, the blog fell by the way side.  I mean, not to say I didn't have a very busy life, both professionally and personally.  And that's a good thing!  But I always meant to have this blog continue on, inspiring people to make a positive change in their lives using the principles of Woman-101....  It had been working, and it was wonderful.  I didn't want to quit.

Then I dropped the ball.  Hey, it happens.  The important thing is that I picked myself up, dusted myself off and moved on.  The longer I waited to do it, though, the worse things became in my head.  You know, at first I felt sheepish about blowing off the blog.  After all, I'm someone who motivates people to make positive change, right!?!  I'm a doer!  Doers don't slack off!  But to find time in the day to get to the blog...well, I seemed to never be able to do it.  And the longer I waited, the worse things became.

Perseverance is a necessary quality in order for one to have a successful life.  Mind you, I was a very successful person in a lot of ways, but in terms of being a dedicated blogger...I'd allowed myself to devolve into a failure.  It has once been said that "Perseverance is about as important to success as gasoline is to driving a car."  There will be times in life where you feel like you're spinning your wheels, that's for sure.  But with perseverance you can eventually dig yourself out of any rut.  I procrastinated in terms of returning to the Woman-101 blog, and procrastination is the ANTICHRIST of perseverance!  But you know, a lesson can be learned here.

For example, what's something that you've been putting off, to the point where it's burning a hole in the back of your brain, lingering and smoldering there and hardly going away?  It could be something as simple as getting back into an exercise routine you've abandoned...or cleaning your house...or returning a library book that's wayyyyy overdue!  But the bottom line is, like me, once you've applied yourself to completing said overdue task, you will feel doubly succesful.  Why?  Because the task is finally done and you no longer have that nagging, uncomfortable feeling in the pit of your stomach or in the deep recesses of your mind.  Listen, if I can get back into the groove of something a few YEARS later, I'm sure you've got something that you can get back into...go do it! 

No Choice But To Keep Moving Forward

"Fearlessness may be a gift but perhaps more precious is the courage acquired through endeavour, courage that comes from cultivating the habit of refusing to let fear dictate one's actions."  -- Aung San Suu Kyi

I'd love to hear back words of encouragement from the folks out there...the word "courage" is tucked away in there, so every time I hear back from a loved one...or even a stranger...I know that I will grow stronger still in my endeavor to become a mother...one of the worthiest endeavors out there!  :)

And I know that letting fear dictate my actions would only lead me to the guaranteed outcome of not conceiving my own biological child.  So, I WILL march forward and continue rolling the dice, because I have a great gut feeling that I CAN DO IT.  Just like the gut feeling that I had when Steve and I went gambling prior to my latest spate of bad health...actually, Steve went gambling, I was just in tow watching.  And I watched him lose $100.  But then I had my gut feeling tell me I could be the one to win it back (me, who hates gambling).  So I followed my nose, went from machine to machine flitting about like a gnat...and I earned back $96.50.  Did I get all depressed because he was still down $3.50?  Are you kidding me?  My gut is golden.  When it speaks, I listen...even if it seems crazy.  I've left jobs that paid six figures, knowing that it was a good move in my gut...and it was!  I've in the past dated men against my better judgment, knowing that it was a bad move in my gut...and it was.  Now I just KNOW that I can conceive a child with my own DNA who will be healthy...so what do I do?  I gather my courage, and I move forward.  Experience has shown me that my inner voice is right...and I believe it is now, too! 

Now, if I were someone else, I would simply give up.  Throw in the towel.  Forget it.  Have a crying fit.  I won't lie to you...yesterday I ate a BIG BOWL OF ICE CREAM in sorrow.  That news really just hit me like a brick upside the dome.  But you know what?  I have the courage to continue marching forward.  I WILL get up and go to work today, and make it count.  I WILL continue to eat properly (well, at least 98% of the time LOL) and I WILL continue to take my pre-natal vitamins and go for more Day 2 cycle blood tests and I WILL pray that God will allow me at least one good shot at having a baby with my own DNA.  I am 36 years old with decreased ovarian reserve, which means my chances of conception are less than 20%.  My eggs are going bad and are lower than they should be for someone my age.  But you know what?  There's no despair.  I'm not dead yet.  I'm not in menopause (that's been confirmed by my doctor).  I still have faith. 

Of course, that leads me to my next let down.  I've unfortunately been told as of yesterday that my bloodwork revealed my FSH (follicle stimulating hormone) level was too high for me to do my first cycle of injectible intertility treatment.  I have to wait until next month and maybe, just maybe, I can try again.

What I hate the most is the way no one can seem to help me keep from getting sick...and it's not just a frustration at being constantly ill as of the past six months or more...it's the fact that I can't get anything done for more than a few days before being blown onto my back in bed.  I've rid myself of caffeine.  I drink water and 16 ounces of juice per day (8 oz in the morning with medicine, 8 oz at night with medicine).  I have cut the red meat almost completely out of my diet.  I have greatly restricted my intake of goodies like ice cream and french fries.  I don't eat candy, cookies, cake or gum.  My most recent goal, which I've met, is to eat one cup of vegetables with every meal, and yes, that includes breakfast.  I've lost some weight.  I've religiously taken my Metformin.  If I eat something sweet, it's usually fruit, and in controlled doses.  I eat wheat bread and pasta, not white.  If I have milk, and that's rarely, it's calcium-enriched no-fat milk.  No whole eggs...just egg whites.  Please, dear God, I even exercised 30 minutes daily until I got sick again.  And vitamins?  We're talking pre-natal!

Body aches.  At times, fevers.  A set of blocked nasal passages that apparently extended into my sinuses.  Blinding headaches.  The need to sleep for extended hours...at the expense of my wedding plans (I've done absolutely nothing during that time period) and even my day job as an attorney.  Forget life coaching.  Thank God my clients didn't have anything major to deal with.  And forget DJing.  Thankfully, I don't have any more gigs until next month...and late next month at that.

Not too long after I promised to keep everyone updated as to my wedding plans, I fell ill...again...with bronchitis, laryngitis, and now apparently I have allergies.  I have a list of medicatons so long an octogonarian would be jealous.  Even today, reaching the tail end of my most recent health saga, I still can't taste anything and even though I can speak, it's more of a croak.  I can communicate with people who know me.  For people who don't know me, they'd probably hang up on me if I tried calling them via telephone, because they'd be convinced it was a prank. 

Music Madness

"Music is what feelings sound like."  --Author Unknown

I have spent the last few days attending parties (housewarming, birthday, Memorial Day) and I can honestly say that going back to work completely sucks.  Of course, I'm hardly the first to actually discover this particular strain of emotion.  And just like everyone else, I have to suck it up and return to the grind.

Between social fetes, I curled up with my DJ songlist book and began culling out songs to be played at my wedding, which is now less than three months away.  (And while I realize on the one hand that I still have quite a bit of time left to get things done, on the other hand, it's already the end of May...did that month not fly by???)  Having been a professional DJ since 1998, it was of course a no-brainer that I'd want to hire a DJ to cover my wedding.  Hiring a band would just go against every last grain in my disc jockey body.  Of course, band vs. DJ for a wedding is a very personal choice, and, as I've learned over the last few months, is often as about as inflammatory a subject to discuss as Republican vs. Democrat.  Anyway, the DJ Steve and I have hired wanted me to supply him with a songlist, or at the very least let him know what songs and/or musical genres to avoid.  I do the same thing whenever I'm hired to DJ an event, whether it's a wedding, a Sweet 16, or retirement dinner.  You'd be surprised how important even a "No Play" list is to someone.  (Consider: How eager are you to hear that song you and your ex broke up to...even if, years later, you're happy to be rid of the jerk....)

Anyway, I thought that this would be something I could knock out in a day.  Granted, as a professional DJ I have over 2,000 CDs.  But for whatever the reason, I could not complete the task.  I only made it to the "H" songs before I had to stop.  Now, don't get me wrong.  I love music, so I was having fun.  And, of course, I do have a written list of songs and artists for the DJ to consider; I'm just not finished.  I've also begun a No Play list.  I've got the wedding song picked out (with Steve's approval) and the song I'll dance to my father with (with my father's approval).  Other dedications have been chosen in advance, as well.  But have I finished going through my enormous three ring binder (with five inch spine) yet?  Nope.  I had to mosey off to another party yesterday, which I completely and thoroughly enjoyed, but this morning, in the back of my mind, is this thought:

I'm in trouble.

Because, you see, a DJ picking the music for her wedding, in my opinion, is easy stuff.  Steve and I have to get that list out before week's end (the DJ wants to go over it and meet with us, and weekends and weeknights book up fast for a DJ, as you might well imagine).  We still have to meet with the priest twice more, and meet with the catering hall so we can make trickier decisions...like which hot and cold appetizers we want...which items will be carried about via butler service and which will be stationary...which main dishes we want served (from a selection of sixty possible choices)...what kind of wedding cake we want, etc. 

Oh, and let's not forget that our florist recently backed out on us.  Less than three months away from the wedding, no less, which under normal circumstances I would have thought was no big gig.  Nope.  It's apparently a tragedy of epic bridal proportions.

At this rate, I have concluded that I will have to spend every weekend from now on working on the wedding.  Some of you may actually be surprised that I was NOT doing this before.  :)  But, what can I say?  I was living my professional life...as a lawyer, a personal coach, a DJ, an eBay seller, etc.  Now, somehow, I have to find a great big shoehorn to shove in the part-time job of being a bride. 

On this note, I'll leave you with a quote that in my opinion, sums that feat up in two words.

"Good grief."  --Charlie Brown

93 Days Left Until I Cease Being A Bachelorette

You know, in searching for a quote for today's blog, I stumbled across a few that scared the crap out of me.  Like this one:  "A bride received into the home is like a horse that you have just bought; you break her in by constantly mounting her and beating her."  --Chinese Proverb

What the hell is wrong with the Chinese? 

Or how about this little gem:  "Bride:  A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her."  --Ambrose Bierce

What the hell is wrong with Ambrose Bierce?

Finally, how about this for the trifecta of irascibility:  "Most girls seem to marry men who happen to be like their fathers.  Maybe that's why so many mothers cry at weddings."  Jenny Eclair

What the hell is...oh, you get the idea.

There's 93 days left of my bachelorette-hood.  On August 25, 2007, I marry the man who I honestly feel is my best friend.  Steven and I dated years ago, when we were younger, but he broke up with me and said that he wasn't ready to settle down.  Years later, he came rampaging back, swearing that he was ready to settle down and it just had to be with me.  Pretty much, I'm not kidding on that.  I was in a heinously crappy relationship at the time.  He was extricating himself from a three year marriage that begged for divorce the first six months in.  I went out on a date with him once he showed me the divorce papers, and I dumped the chump I was dating.  Steve proved to me instantly that while he was still a fun-loving blue eyed Italian demigod with the widest Cheshire Cat smile ever, he'd actually grown up and wanted to do grown-up things:  monogamy, buy a house, get married, have children...refreshing, right?  He absolutely worshipped me like a goddess, doing everything but presenting burnt offerings in my name.  And he honestly, over the years, became my best friend.  So when he proposed to me at our favorite restaurant called Cafe Umami in Fishkill, I certainly responded with a resounding yes. 

And despite the fact that they've torn down the Cafe Umami and erected a barbecue joint at the same location, I'd like to think that we won't be experiencing the functional equivalent of that in our relationship life once we're married.  It's sad to think that everyone throws such a negative on being married.  But I refuse to look at the next stage of my life as gloomy, like I've given up the joy of being a "swinging single" and that maybe if things go wrong somehow I'll be a "gay divorcee."  There's 93 days left until I cease being a bachelorette...not 93 days until the End of the World as I Know It (to paraphrase the nifty song by REM...although I will admit, I do feel fine). 

Throughout the next few months it's my intention to write about my journey to the altar.  It's really three months and three days away.  You can weigh in with your opinions, as always.  :)  I'll certainly be weighing in with mine! 

Little Things Mean Everything

"Small events and choices determine the direction of our lives just as small helms determine the directions of great ships."  -- M. Russell Ballard

Nothing feels better than tackling a multitude of small things that we've been letting slide to the side.  Whether it's finally sending in that rebate, or cleaning out our junk drawer, or maybe, just maybe, filing away all of that loose paperwork that keeps piling up in your home and/or office, these things just tend to collect over time and subconsciouly weigh you down. 

When you make a big decision to, say, get married, quit a job, change careers, get pregnant, etc., you're always clear that you're going to make a major change in your life.  You know that the course of the river of life will shift.  You (hopefully) prepare for said shift.  But when it comes to handling little things, you actually change the course of your life, too.  It changes in small bits:  that rebate brings in five dollars, say.  Cleaning out your junk drawer leads you to finally locating that gym pass that you've lost from not using it, and you can finally get back in to the club to start working out.  Filing away the loose paperwork reduces the clutter in your home or office, and you feel less stressed and confused. 

You can't say that handling things like these don't add to the quality of your life.  And I say, whether you're in the midst of making a colossal change in your life OR you're kind of on a temporary plateau sans major change, a smart woman will try to check at least one small thing off her list a day, to add to the quality of her life.  My recommendation to you:  for the next seven days, do one small thing a day, no matter how irritating, and clear it out of your mental inbox for good.  Why not?  It's actually an excellent feeling to break through that wall of ennui and DO something you've been meaning to do for a while...like cleaning out that coupon collection so that you can actually use the stuff!  Or finally taking those donations to a place like the Salvation Army or Goodwill.  You know what I mean.  There's something like this lurking around in the background of your life, and you cast your thoughts there every once in awhile, and say, "someday I'll get around to it."  Especially when it's small, it's so worth it to "get to it" one task at a time over the span of a week.  I bet once the week's over, you've (a) developed a habit that you'll continue to stay true to--at least most of the time (LOL) and (b) done probably more than one thing a day...because once you get started, you build up momentum, and keep on going!

What makes me laugh is when people say that "the devil is in the details."  I mean, after all, that's kind of implying that details are evil or devilish.  C'mon.  The angel is in the details, quite frankly.  When you pay attention to the right details, it's a godsend.  Your life gets on a better, neater, more efficient course...which is never a bad thing while you're navigating your way through life. 

Open Your Mouth

"I was brought up to be a proud American, which means opening your friggin' mouth." -- Harvey Fierstein

How many times have we played the shrinking violet?  Women do this so often it's about as predictable as the sun rising and setting.  We're told that we have to play nice when we're younger.  We're punished in high school if we dare to be different.  We're too afraid to break free from the norm at the workplace, lest our bosses look down on us and pass us over for that great promotion we've been eyeing.

But being a martyr gets you nowhere.  For example, in the book, The Sacrificial Mother, the author Carin Rubenstein, Ph.D., says, "When women give birth, they're primed to use their expertise in the art of sacrifice.  They become professionals at compromise, queens of concession.  For many mothers, self-denial feels good.  They feel righteous giving of themselves:  They are Joan of Arc, Florence Nightengale, and Mother Teresa, all rolled into one tightly wrapped sacrificial package."  The only problem is, as the author deftly discusses, while women are predisposed to have an enormous capacity for empathy and a willingness to sacrifice, "mothers who sacrifice too much harm both themselves and their children in the process."

Even being Sacrificial Supermom ain't the way to go, folks!  "...[women's] large capacity for empathy might very well be what makes women so vulnerable to feeling guilty and depressed.  Feeling so deeply for other people makes it harder for women to recognize their own needs.  Because they use up so much of their emotional resereve on other people, worrying about the well-being of those they love, more of them suffer from depression.  The moral:  Being nice carries a price."

The moral to this story?  Starting TODAY, it's not about morphing into the Queen of Mean, but it IS all about you opening your firggin' mouth and standing up for yours, sister!  Tell your boss you deserve that raise.  Break from the pack at the office or in the schoolyard to be who you want to be.  Ask for what you want in a relationship.  Tell your sister to mind her own business.  Give anyone the boot who doesn't understand that you want what you want...unless they're children, of course.  But in their case, they'll just have to deal with it if you want to stay home for once instead of race to a playdate.  They'll have to learn the hard way that they'd better clean their rooms and/or otherwise obey you or they lose their allowance or privileges or radio or computer in their room or whatever.  Tell people what you're thinking.  Let them know what you need.  Because you know what?  They probably have a clue about it as it is...but if they're not doing anything to help you, it may be because they figure they don't have to.  Well, aren't you going to turn the tables today?   

Sigh of Relief

"Perhaps all pleasure is only relief."  --William S. Burroughs

I am beyond grateful today; I've received in the mail a letter from my reproductive endocrinologist that states simply that my second Pap test was normal, and that annual checkups are all I need at this juncture.

Until that one negative result, I had always taken Pap tests with a proverbial grain of salt.  I always assumed my tests would be within normal limits.  But, as with anything else in life, you can't assume anything.  Things change.  Circumstances change.  Your body changes. 

I still would have any and every woman out there in the world take an annual Pap test.  You may read this and think, well, I do, Stace.  But there are many of you out there who avoid the subject because you don't have insurance, you don't have time, you don't want anyone testing anything that has anything to do with your private parts...whatever.  Too bad.  Check out the last few posts.  It's not worth the risk of forgoing such an important annual screening.  What if it's positive?  At least you can jump right on top of the situation and get the treatment you need.  Pre-cancer turns to cancer and cancer equals death.  We all have to die sometimes, but cancer is not the way I choose to go.  It's one of the most wretched, agonizing, painful ways to die.  If you skip the test, you're just playing roulette with your health. 

Sometimes being an adult sucks, in plain English.  But you have to be responsible, not only for your own good but for the good of all who love you and depend upon you.  Suck it up.  Make that appointment for your Pap, breast exam and just general annual checkup today.  And while you're at it, get your regular doctor to give you an overall wellness check and physical.  If you don't even have a regular doctor (or primary care physician or family doctor), do not pass GO, do not collect two hundred dollars.  What the hell is wrong with you?  It's not worth letting your health go like that!  Make the appointments.  Pay the co-pays if you have insurance.  Call up, get a quote and save up for the appointment fees, lab fees, and what not.  I know you'd rather spend the money on a few coffees, a new outfit, a round of drinks for your friends on Friday night or whatever.  But think about it.  If you don't spend the money and the time making sure that you're healthy, and your health eventually goes to pot, then you won't be enjoying very many more coffees, outfits or drinks, now will you? 

I'm sorry, but after having bronchitis for two weeks, laryngitis for a few days after that, and then getting up out of a sick bed to discover an ingrown toenail that required surgery (so back to bed for a day of recouperation), I can tell you truthfully, the quote "You've got nothing if you don't have your health" is my total mantra now.  Being ill not only kept me from posting for the past few days...it kept me from everything!  Get your priorities straight...you want all of the pleasurable relief you can possibly get from health tests that come back negative.  A negative has never been such a positive for me until now!

Rebuilding

Well, I have to quote the Grateful Dead:  "What a long strange trip it's been."

For those who have been wondering, I still don't have the results back from my second pap test, after the first one found atypical cells.  A friend of mine has suggested that, in fact, this can be interpreted as good news...because bad results are phoned in and good results are mailed in.  Meanwhile, hello, I'd like to just know one way or another...is everything kosher south of the border, or do I have to get a biopsy? 

I haven't posted in ten days...due to health reasons.  My bronchitis ended up blossoming into laryngitis.  There went most of the ten day time period!  I ran fevers that ranged from 97 degrees to 102 degrees.  My blood presssure soared to 120 over 100 (yikes) and stayed there for several days.  (Now it's normal).  I was bedridden and without a voice; I actually slept my way through an entire weekend.  I've never done that before.  I drank more orange juice, water and tea than I thought was humanly possible.  I ate my body weight's worth of tea and honey flavored lozenges.  I went through not one, but two prescription medications just to combat the bronchitis/laryngitis alone.  And because I'm allergic to all ofthe prescription painkillers, I hacked my way through the nights, getting three hours of sleep at a clip.  (Now that I think about it, sleeping through that second weekend of illness probably made sense...I had to recover from my sleep deprivation experience). 

But as all of this was coming to an end, just when I thought I could begin blogging again, I began to feel pain and pressure any time I bore weight on my left foot.  I examined my toes and realized the left great toe was getting purple.  Surprise!  Ingrown toenail.  A seemingly innocent visit to the podiatrist led to surgery...three needles...a thick wrapping...and use of over the counter pain relievers every two hours for over one day's time. 

Enough!  I'm ready to rebuild my health after hitting a low spot.  At no point in time during the past ten days did I totally swoon and do a nosedive into total despair.  I kept telling myself, "Soon this will be over.  My healthy time will come.  This will not last forever."  And it didn't.  I always tried to look on the bright side.  If I was sick in bed and all I could do was sleep, I told myself, "At least my body has this time to mend."  If I couldn't get up out of bed to do any work from my computer at home, I reminded myself that this was an awesome opportunity to clean out my Tivo selections and catch up on movies I'd wanted to see.  Even when I was writhing in pain from my toe being cut open (extremities are NASTILY sensitive), I felt grateful that my father traveled to the doctor's office to be with me and take me to my parents' house to nurse me back to health over the weekend.  It was neat...just me and the rents, while Steve worked....  It was nice to be babied and cared for by my folks. 

But now, pending a negative finding on my Pap, it's time to rebuild.  Move onward and upward.  For anyone who's gone through a long illness jag like mine, hats off to you, because I know from firsthand experience that it sucks...but the negativity of life always helps to make the joys of life sweeter.  I'm rebuilding my body and enjoying all the positivity I can find!  For example: It's going to be 80 degrees today.  I'm going outside to enjoy myself during the workday.  And the weather is making it much simpler for my bandaged left foot to be in a shoe that's open toed...ah, the little things in life!  :)

Believe Good Things

The thing always happens that you really believe in; and the belief in a thing makes it happen." --Frank Lloyd Wright

If you believe that you can get to the bottom of whatever your current trial or tribulation is, then you can in fact do it!  Belief is like an inner compass you carry with you every day.  If you believe in something, you will use that inner compass and steer your way through to that which you seek, no matter how long it takes you to get there.  If you don't believe, and ignore your inner compass, you will float adrift on the sea of life and stay lost.  It's time to believe in yourself, and in all the good things that you want to manifest in your life.  Believing alone is usually not enough, though...but it's a great start!  You have to undertake some action to manifest your desires in life.  So you have to whip out your compass, remind yourself what your beliefs are, really believe in that which you desire, then raise your sails, catch the wind, and travel out of confusion toward a solution.  This I know for sure!

But you see, you may not be facing all of the current struggles I am.  So you say, how does any of this apply to ME, Stace?  Well, truth be told, the quote from Mr. Wright does in fact have its application to your everyday life. 

Once this cold has left me, I'm going back to my old exercise regimen of one to two hours a day.  I'm elated that now I'll actually see a difference, like I did just a few years before!  In 2004, I had an awesome body!  But as of 2005, the weight began to creep on, no matter how much exercise I did, no matter what goodies I cut out of my life.  By 2006, I was 170 pounds and frustrated.  How do you earn your black belt in Tae Kwan Do training 2 hours daily, sweating your face off and giving maximum effort, and still GAIN weight?  (Without closet eating or anything like that, I assure you.)  If you're pre-diabetic, on the way to diabetes, that's how! 

I believe that my pre-diabetic condition is well under control.  I take my medication.  I have not touched one single drop of soda since I learned of my diagnosis.  I have eaten far more vegetables than I ever did before.  I drink 16 ounces of OJ a day and nothing but water other than that.  I've dropped 13 pounds in a matter of three weeks.  Is my eating perfect?  No.  But it's better than ever before, and I believe that it will always stay this way.  I don't miss the soda.  I don't miss overdosing on grains.  I allow myself a dish of ice cream a week, vanilla, plain.  And that's wonderful.  I am grateful that I'm not yet diabetic, and that I have the chance to dance away from the edge of that disease and never cross that threshold, ever. 

I believe that just like the cold I'm in the process of putting behind me, all the bad stuff going on in my life will be behind me just as quickly. 

I believe that I will get over this nasty cold.  I tried riding it out for a few days, like I normally do.  Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.  When it works, I congratulate myself, since I passed up an opportunity to dump more chemicals inside my body.  It's often best to try and ride things out naturally.  But when it doesn't work, I still congratulate myself--I tried, now it's off to the doctor's for the miracle pill called Zithromax! LOL  I just took my first dose of Zithromax yesterday and swallowed my second dose while writing this entry...and can I tell you how wonderful it is to feel my nose drying up?  My coughing decrease?  I truly appreciate and enjoy the fact that I don't have to hold my temples while I cough, just to hold back the excruciating pain! 

I believe that my bad streak will come to an end very quickly, and I mean that wholeheartedly.  I haven't received the results back from my second pap yet, but I believe that everything will be OK.  There may be risk factors, but that's all they are...risk factors, NOT guarantees.  I will call for my results today, once I've returned from Federal Court, and I will face my future head on.  Living life like a wimpy wuss just never got me anywhere, and I can't imagine that it's getting you anywhere, either.  No matter what happens to me, I will live my very best life, until my life ends.  You must resolve to do the same for yourself, believing that you deserve good things...and good things will come, even if life peppers your existence with bad things on occasion.  Bad things make you appreciate the good things all the more.

This is, in essence, what the book/DVD The Secret is all about, I suppose.  The Law of Attraction really can be boiled down to this quote from Frank Lloyd Wright.  What you think is what you will manifest.  You will attract to you that which you focus on, good or bad.