SlimStacey

RIP Jack Lalanne

Today's musical selection is actually an instrumental.  Imagine someone playing "Taps"...poor dear Jack Lalanne is dead at 96.

You know you have to pay attention to your health and all, but really, if this man wasn't an inspiration to us all, who would be?  And if you weren't paying attention, it's never too late...today's the start of a brand new day toward health and fitness.  (This from someone that ate a bowl of butternut squash soup with an unbuttered slice of whole wheat bread for breakfast...meanwhile, oh, McDonald's Big Breakfast, I remember you so well...and so do my fat cells that won't release the goo they're storing...yet).

For anyone who wants to read an informative yet succinct writeup on the life of fitness legend Jack Lalanne, here's the link:

http://www.popeater.com/2011/01/23/fitness-guru-jack-lalanne-dies/?ncid=webmail

 

RIP Jack Lalanne

Today's musical selection is actually an instrumental.  Imagine someone playing "Taps"...poor dear Jack Lalanne is dead at 96.

You know you have to pay attention to your health and all, but really, if this man wasn't an inspiration to us all, who would be?  And if you weren't paying attention, it's never too late...today's the start of a brand new day toward health and fitness.  (This from someone that ate a bowl of butternut squash soup with an unbuttered slice of whole wheat bread for breakfast...meanwhile, oh, McDonald's Big Breakfast, I remember you so well...and so do my fat cells that won't release the goo they're storing...yet).

For anyone who wants to read an informative yet succinct writeup on the life of fitness legend Jack Lalanne, here's the link:

http://www.popeater.com/2011/01/23/fitness-guru-jack-lalanne-dies/?ncid=webmail

 

No One Wants to Be Defeated

Have some more chicken/Have some more pie/It doesn't matter if it's boiled or fried/Just eat it!  --Weird Al Yankovic, "Eat It"

Just beat it/beat it/beat it/beat it/no one wants to be defeated/Showin' how funky and strong is your fight/it doesn't matter who's wrong or right/just beat it  --Michael Jackson, "Beat It"

What the hell do these two songs and artists have in common?  Well, if you don't know at least one answer to this question, then you're not hep to Eighties pop culture, that's all I can say.  Weird Al Yankovic did a parody song of the Michael Jackson song "Beat It" which was pretty popular circa 1983-1984.  But there's another commonality that springs up today.

It's my blog posting for the day, of course!

I just can't get the hell out of the 160's.  I'd LOVE to break into the 150's...I was there this time last year, but blew back up again thanks to stress eating once my husband bought a second local eatery in Lagrange, New York in March 2010.  (No, I really don't eat at his joints more than once a week, honest, so that isn't it...it's called STRESS once you see almost all your money get poured into something you're hoping pays it all back with dividends...but I digress). 

Anyhoo, yeah, I'd like to show how funky and strong my fight is...that'd be cool.  I'd like to really break that plateau I've reached where I'm not going up the charts but I'm not going DOWN, either.  But the problem is that, even though I've cut out some really nasty food and drink from my diet, and I'm exercising ten minutes a day, the truth is...I'm still eating "it" (i.e. too much) whether it's boiled or fried, per Weird Al.  Damn it.

Damn me. 

So I have to reign in my eating more.  Enough celebrating the fact that I beat soda (I fell off the wagon one day recently at a first birthday party, but got RIGHT back on the wagon that night).  Enough being proud of myself that I cut out fried foods, white bread and take my vitamins.

I've got to go through the infernal discomfort of having an empty tummy....

AND I gotta start amping up the workout.  Oh, that's gonna hurt....  But tune in to find out just how much, because maybe I'll motivate you to continue on in your quest to be healthier, too. 

Or at least you can continue to laugh at my antics...and perhaps someday marvel at my results!

Portion Size Surprise

"You know you love me/You know I care/Just shout whenever/And I'll be there."  Justin Bieber--"Baby, Baby, Baby"

Why am I citing to Justin Bieber lyrics today?  I don't know.  Just kinda felt a bit Bieber-ish, what can I say?  It's one goddamn catchy tune.

Let me debunk the bullcrap behind a commonly issued piece of advice today, okay?  Because I'm feeling fiesty and it just feels right to cry bull$#!t once in a while.  Don't you love reading about weight loss advice in magazines, where they give you little crappy bits of wisdom like, "Want to eat less?  Just put your food on smaller sized plates," like, freaking' voila!  You're going to realize that you're eating wayyyy too much for your own good.

Listen, the scale is screaming at you that you failed in terms of portion size.  That ship has sailed.  Obviously, you have to eat less crappy, unhealthy food.  Duh.

Maybe if you're a more simplistic thinker in terms of food, you'll try the smaller cups, smaller plate ditty on for yourself, and maybe it will work.  But let's break down WHY it might work.

Our country is totally blind when it comes to portion sizes.  And, no, we can't just bitch-slap McDonald's and blame it on them with their Supersizing everything.  I mean, after all, portion sizes were going up in food chains and restaurants around the country long before that...Supersizing was just part of the collective zeitgeist of "Bigger, Better, Faster, More," as far as I'm concerned.  You can't blame McDonald's, after all, for why the soft drink bottlers went from cans to the plastic bottles...where the latter actually contains anywhere from two to two and a half servings alone.  Or why the snack size candy bars suddenly got "King Sized."  Or why buffets of any food style are actually racking up greater sales with every year. Or why a teensy weensy sack of chips suddenly grew into something closer than a "Family Size" bag.  And so on.

I mean, at least McDonald's thought to eventually do away with the Supersizing phenomenon.  It only took a few lawsuits, I suppose. But I don't think anyone else is following suit.  Do we sue them?

Or maybe we just should open our eyes and figure out what a portion size really should be.  That would be where the old "smaller plate and cup" tip might come in handy.  The thing is, trust me, you won't be magically less hungry just because you actually drank a beverage in a teensy weensy thin glass that (surprise) is an 8 ounce serving, or you dined on a dinner plate that actually was a cake plate instead.  I'm giving you lots of credit; you're smarter than that.  No, no, your tummy is going to cry and you'll do everything including bite a wooden spoon to avoid having another helping. 

At least, you will if you're serious about weight loss.

But as you battle your crying stomach (and crying eyes, probably) at least you'll start learning what a proper portion size is, and even if you cheat a bit, you'll no longer be ignorant about just how much food and drink you really aught to have at a time.  So I suppose that's a good thing.  It's still going to suck like hell, though.  Just call a friend or an Overeater's Anonymous food sponsor (or your mother, especially if you're overdue for a bout of guilt) and rustle up a shoulder to cry on.  But until you get through the horrible business of eating less and shrinking that stomach size, it ain't gonna get any easier. 

After a certain point, all of this "eat healthier" and "lose weight" kind of yadda yadda bull$#!t just boils down to the same thing...you have to WANT the outcome more than you WANT the food.  And trust me, I'm no angel about it, so I know it's hard as hell to get to that outcome. 

Now, that Justin Bieber, quite a few tweens a teens around the globe might elect him as an angel.  But me, I'm an honest attorney when I admit that I'm not one at all.  (And hey, an honest attorney need not be an oxymoron). 

Pretty Sneaky, Sis! (Or Can I Fool Myself or What?)

"Close your eyes/Don't run and hide/Easy love is no easy ride."  Def Leppard--Foolin'

You know, one way to get healthier and lose weight is to start consuming more vegetables. 

Okay, you can stop grimacing.  Really.  I know it sucks.  I know it's not advice anyone wants to take.  You can tell me to go F**K myself on your own time.  Nobody does this, unless they are a total health nut, right?

Well, I hope you're not right because I'm tired of feeling like I'm 80 years old when I'm only 40.  I haven't even been 40 for very long, damn it!   But what's the solution?  Veggies are so...icky....  I mean, you can't compare a wad of spinach to a slice of pizza, right?

Right?

Then along comes my revelation--in terms of how to start eating more veggies one baby step at a time.  What is it?  First, a disclaimer:  THIS DOES NOT INVOLVE A PAID PRODUCT ENDORSEMENT.  Okay?  Good!  Now:  Jessica Seinfeld, wife of comic Jerry Seinfeld, first wrote a book that I was ready to dismiss as banal...Deceptively Delicious.  She followed it up with Double Delicious!  And I was like, Oh, really?  Get the frig out of here!  It could never be this simple. 

But eventually, I bought one book, and then the other. Why?  Because she offers you a cornucopia of recipies that all perpetrate to be delicious while hiding one or more portions of vegetables in them.  When she says "deceptively" in the title of her first book, she's not kidding.  Why?  Because you're basically shoving the vegetables into recipies via purees.  They allegedly are not detectable in terms of one's taste buds, but they're in there.

So did I say that a wad of spinach can't compare to a slice of pizza?  Oh, I'm sorry, that's actually not true.  You could have both and have no idea.  I've tried the pizza recipie for example, nearly vomiting at the thought of slopping pureed spinach on top of the crust, before adding everything else you would normally expect on a regular slice of cheese pizza. 

Revelatory?  OMG!!!  OMFG!!!

So, now, I can eat all sorts of pedestrian foods I'd normally eat--grilled cheese sandwiches, soup, macaroni and cheese, you name it...and every single time there is anywhere from one to two servings of vegetables hidden in there.  Every time!  I'm a total bitch when it comes to my gustatory experiences, no less...so trust me, if I say it's edible, you'll totally agree. 

Even if you don't believe in shoving some pureed vegetables into your everyday eats, perhaps something else that would work for you in your quest for health is something far more straightforward...like, duh...having a salad topped with veggies with at least one meal a day.  Have your lunch and dinner include a serving of vegetables.  Even put veggies in your omelet next time you have one...and not just onions, now, we're talking about mushrooms, red/yellow/green/orange bell peppers, broccoli....

Oh, not turning you on?  Then for YOU, the purees are a must! At least you won't know they're there....

Learning to Eat One Step at a Time is Better Than Nothing

"It's better than nothing/I'm feeling good"  Jen Trynin--"Better Than Nothing"

If you think that you have to do a colossal amount of work to loose a colossal amount of weight, well...you're right.  But you can get to your goal one step at a time, and in terms of weight loss, that's probably a great idea.  Too many folks boomarang back and forth between sizes, poundage brackets, and so forth.  I don't want to have two closets of clothes anymore--you know, "fat clothes" and "skinny clothes."  Truthfully, I ditched the size small and medium shirts, and the six 6 anything.  I want to go down to a size L top and a size 8 like most of my life, and trust me, that'll be just A-OK by little (soon) old me.

I went to the Mahopac Fire Department Installation Dinner over the weekend, and I tried out my newfound reserve in terms of portion sizes that evening.  I mean, after all, it's special events like this (or holidays) where we loose all control and spiral down into a weight gain of anywhere from one to five pounds.  And even though it may be temporary, sometimes it's not and sometimes it's just an exercise in futility.  SO...I tried to see if I could maintain some control over myself at a function which is essentially a wedding without a bride and groom (in terms of food). 

I did not drink any of those creamy alcohol-based drinks that I normally imbibe during such events.  I did not have any hot appetizers other than one mozzarella stick and a plate full of vegetables (and, okay, like five teensy squares of cheese).  No dipping sauce.  Nothing like that at all.

I skipped my salad (I hate dressing) but I did eat all of my pasta course...it wasn't a big deal.  I ate all of the veggies that came with my dinner, ate most of the prime rib and two forkfulls of potatoes.  Dessert came and I had a slender slice of cake.  Ta da!

And when I weighed myself the next day guess what?  No backsliding!!! 

So yes, I did good that night.  But that's no reason to fail to keep my eyes on the prize.  Food addictions are battles that are won one forkful at a time.  And I suppose that if today is your aha moment in terms of this truism, great!  And keep remembering that every time you open your mouth and put a forkful to it. 

And eventually I'll break the barrier and re-enter the 150's again.  Hopefully this week will do it!

A Healthy Interlude

"Sad woman take it slow/It'll work itself out fine/All we need is just a little patience"  Guns N Roses--"Patience"

Sigh, I wished I could have posted to this blog yesterday, but it seemed like every spare moment was plugged up by folks trying to call me, text me and otherwise contact me about getting a divorce or a separation agreement up and running.  (Yes, I'm a recovering lawyer...I still have my solo practice, but I'm moving over the accent mark in my life to writing).  Anyhow, it shouldn't have shocked me...'tis the season, after all.  What, you say?  It's true.  Most everyone waits until just after the holidays to drop the bomb on the kids that mommy and daddy are splitting up OR they may already be split up but mommy has to take daddy back to court because she wants more child support, or daddy's going to get a restraining order against mommy because she's stalking him and his new chicklet, or whatever the sad, sad storyline is. 

I did do my ten minute workout.  That's about it.  Nastily enough, I didn't even catch a shower afterward.  Guess what I did post haste today, y'all?  Society thanks me for it, I'm sure.  Not that society would have seen much of me yesterday.  I was getting phone calls all the way up through dinnertime.  I've never seen so much of a push for Splitsville USA all in one day before...all on a Friday, where quite frankly, I'd be trying to enjoy the weekend, but what do I know?  Thankfully I'm not trolling for a separation or a divorce.  My husband is an angel, busily decorating the mantel in the living room to match the new season.  My son is angel number two, watching Your Baby Can Read! and diligently reading over 100 words at the tender age of two years, two months. 

So, obviously Rome cannot be built in one day.  I didn't have time to carve out for more than a ten minute workout, but hey, I did and I have to celebrate that.  I can't be so hard on myself that I haven't been able to announce to the Internet that, Hey, I lost another pound, hello 150's!  That day will come.  It will probably come next week.  I need to have patience.  And maybe, so do you.  If you haven't achieved your desired goal of having lost another pound yet, or whatever it may be, take it easy on yourself.  Do what you can do today, and plan towards how you can do more tomorrow.  One baby step at a time.  The important thing is, don't take your eyes of the prize.  You'll get there.  Be patient.  There's a reason why it's a virtue.

Don't Be A Stupid Workout Girl!

"What happened to the dreams of a girl president/She's dancing in the video next to 50 Cent"  Pink--"Stupid Girls

You know, I've been working out and it's great.  But after pulling a 24 hour straight shift of working, it's the last thing I want to do.  And I have to be honest, I've gotta get my game face on.  Last night, we found that there was a spare bag of potato chips in our pantry. There wasn't much in it. But you know where this is going.  Thank goodness, I woke up, weighed myself, and I haven't gained anything back.

Now, a few things come to mind as I make this admission.  Number one, duh, if I didn't eat the chips, I may have lost more weight.  Number two, double duh, I'm trying to write a blog to inspire people to live healthier and that's not the smartest thing to do. 

But then comes the biggest revelation--not only am I telling the truth, which will help to hold me more accountable over time (you should try it; I've been behaving FAR more than if I didn't) but I know not to bring another bag of stupid chips in the house ever again, and if I do it's to entertain and if there's leftovers someone is going home with it.  And if NO ONE wants them, they're getting tossed in the woods so the animals can eat them and get fat.  THEY need the extra blubber to survive winter.  I totally do not!

So, maybe I'm not so stupid after all.  I wouldn't mind dancing in a video next to 50 Cent, though.

Are You Gonna Be My Weight Loss Girl?

"Oh, four, five, six/C'mon and get your kicks/Now you don't need that money/With a face like that do ya honey/Big black boots/Long brown hair/She's so sweet/With her get back stare"  Jet--"Are You Gonna Be My Girl?"

Wow, I gotta say, I'm pretty damn tired this morning, but I still managed to stumble though a workout before plowing my ass back in the chair to keep working on my author's website.  But knocking on the door of the 150's has made me giddy. I remember back in the day, only a few short years ago, how things used to be for me:  I was thin, could wear whatever I wanted and man, I'd get attention.  Especially when I dyed my hair blond.  A believable blond, mind you, but still...blond. I couldn't even pump gas without some guy trying to come on to me. At the time, I'd be annoyed (I mean, polite to the oncomers, but still, annoyed). There, I said it.  Because now, damn it, it'd be nice to have an experience that is an even a reasonable facsimile thereof of those times. But what do you want? Dude, I'm wearing and additional 20+ pounds.

But that's okay. It's no longer an additional 30 pounds. Gotta keep things in perspective.

Did I want to work out today?  On less than six hours of sleep? Are you serious?  No frigging way.  I'm sure I'll be a colossal train wreck later on today when I'm hit by the brick wall of exhaustion.  So be it.  What do I want more?  To be thinner and healthier, or have the extra hour or so's sleep?

So, I have to ask you:  Have you decided to be my weight loss girl (or guy)? Are you ready to make the commitment that THIS, 2011, is the year that you take things to the max and lose weight, get healthier, and be happier as a result? You have to join me in our quest...and we shall hold each other accountable.  Yes, there are some folks who are sending me private messages about their weight loss struggle, and that's okay.  But how about we get some Comments in from the bolder folks who don't mind being brutally honest about themselves?

After all, I don't know about you, but I want to go back to being long brown hair, big black boots, get back stare and all.  How about you, my friends?

Eating the Crust First...On Your Workout?

"She's my cherry pie/Cool drink of water such a sweet surprise/Tastes so good what a sweet surprise/My sweet cherry pie"  Warrant--"Cherry Pie"

Oh, who doesn't want to harken back to the Eighties (for those of us alive then) and enjoy some good old fashioned Warrant?  Break out your bandanas and banana clips, everybody!  And what a great quote to post for this blog entry, too!  Seriously, I have to share with you a tip that's so common sense about weight loss, it's almost stupid for me to say it...but hey, it's still a bit of an epiphany all the same.  Here goes:  There were a few days there that I had screwed up my courage to re-enter the workout game, and I would put on the workout clothes, strap on the special workout-only sneakers, etc. etc.  I'd have the workout DVD in the player, all queued up...and nothing would happen, because my son would run downstairs and demand my attention, or the phone would ring with a business call I couldn't avoid, etc. etc.  You know the drill.  Then you spend the rest of the day trying to find some time to get the workout done and...nope.  Doesn't happen. 

Well, what's been working for me the last two days is doing the workout first thing in the morning.  That's right...you can't go wrong by "eating the crust first," as an uncle of mine in Alpha Phi Omega used to say (long story).  Yep.  Eating the crust first means getting to something right away that you really DO NOT want to do.  For me, that's working out.  I'd rather work for ten hours straight then work out for ten minutes, especially now that I'm all flabby, Saggy Baggy Elephant of a Stacey.  So I'd try to work out in the middle of the day, because I had accomplished everything else that I wanted to do first and...surprise!  No time!  The day was in full swing and God knows what was vying for my attention. 

But when I've "eaten the crust first"--i.e., I get up, hit the bathroom, drink a bottle of water down and THEN start the workout--I notice that, shocker, I've actually managed to get the workout out of the way. It's so simple...but it works! 

So, perhaps if you've been caught in this same corundum, I've managed to impart a little common sense wisdom upon you this morning...whether it has to do with a workout or not.  Is there something you're avoiding that needs to get done?  Well, perhaps you have to just face the fear down and walk right through it to get to the other side.  I have...and...amazing...I've dropped two more pounds.  The scale read 160 pounds today.  Hello, 150's?  I'm knocking your goddamn door down, honey!  With gusto!