The Ugly Truth

"I've been a bad, bad girl/I've been careless with a delicate [body]/And it's a sad, sad world"  Fiona Apple--"Criminal"

Well, if blogs aren't for busting out the folk lyrics of truth, then what is? I'd show you my diary, but, well, I've been too lazy to keep one...you know, the old school kind with a hardbound cover and the lined pages you write on?  Yeah, I used to keep those.  Now, not so much.  How's that for honesty?

If that didn't turn you on, then this one will.  I've regained five pounds.

Yup, no kidding, damn it all.  But how dare I be surprised?  The last 48 hours I've been eating like it's my job.  And we all know that it's far easier to GAIN the weight than it is to LOSE it.  It could take me a month to lose the five pounds at the rate I was going.

Because, as long as we're being honest here, I let my workouts go by the wayside. I started drinking less water and more juice, thinking, "At least it's not soda."  (Okay, kudos to me for kicking soda, but it's only ONE step in the right direction and not the whole journey).  I also treated myself to some alcohol (gee, that Mike's Hard Lemonade Dark Cherry is super sweet, literally and figuratively) and to, granted, an annual treat, but nothing that's going to help me lose weight--a/k/a the Shamrock Shake from McDonald's.

Oh, yes, truth-teller that I am today, I will 'fess up that I went to Mickey D's.  Sure.  Did I just have the Shamrock Shake?

You're frigging kidding, right?  

Try adding an angus burger with cheddar and bacon on it.  Because that has the word "diet" plastered all over it.  Of course, you gotta add fries, so yeah, I ate the largest size they carry.  

Sure, I was sick a lot the past few days.  Yeah, I felt beat to crap by my body aches and head cold, PLUS I had a two year old running circles around me, dumping out sock drawers (his, mine, his father's...what's the obsession with socks???) and climbing furniture like he's a granola muncher scaling Mount Everest.  He's thin as a rail.  Of COURSE he's thin...every damn minute of the day it's a workout for him.  He never stops.  And until my in-laws took him a day ago for an overnight, I hadn't had a break from my beloved Steven Ames for three weeks!  Nor any time for a workout.  Not one single, solitary minute.  And...oh, YEAH, I have to run a law practice without a legal assistant either.  Spare time to work out?  Where is that?

But, this blog entry is about the ugly truth. So, to be entirely truthful, I may have been sick, sleep-deprived and depleted, but I was also managing my time badly, not asking my husband for more help, and eating greasy, grimy, nutrient-devoid food like it was my job, which of course just hampers my efforts to regain the Slim Stacey in my life.

So, honest girl that I am, I am honestly NOT shocked that I gained five pounds, putting me back at 164 instead of the 159 pounds I was only a short while ago.  But if you look at your own reflection in the mirror, can you be honest with yourself, same as I am being right now?  Do you hit the drive-throughs on the way to work, buying those calorically overburdened breakfasts and coffee drinks?  Do you snack on crap that is totally an embarrassment if you had to admit it aloud to people who would judge you?  Do you raid the candy machine at work?  Stash bags of chips in your glove compartment, your desk drawer, your junk drawer at home?  Do you hang out on the internet for far too long, trolling around looking at cute kitty cat pictures or clips of Jackass Part III on You Tube, or porn, or whatever particular video voodoo you're into...instead of perhaps popping in a workout DVD or at least riding a stationary bike or treadmill if you're going to treat your brain to the dubious pleasures of Teen Mom, Jersey Shore or Hoarders?  In fact, if you're actually going to be as honest with yourself as I am being with myself right now, could you just perhaps admit that maybe, just maybe, you even watch such banal nonsense because it makes you feel better about your chubby, unruly self?

I mean, as long as veracity is today's buzzword, why don't you just go for it like me?  Not to beat yourself up, mind you...but to wake yourself up.  Because if you couldn't tell the nastiest people in the world that you eat a candy bar an hour, drink a 1,000 calorie Coffee Coolatta or a fast-food meal whose caloric content equals that of your entire daily alottment (with sometimes just the damn sandwich alone), then how in the world are you going to be real with yourself?  You can lie to yourself; it's so easy and we do it all the time.  I want to be able to look the bitchiest person in the eye and say, "Look at how healthy and thin I am.  I do (mostly) everything right, and while I may not be perfect, I kick the crap out of your evil body."  

It's an ugly truth, admittedly, to say I've been backsliding.  But how many of you have been doing it, too, one way or another in your life?  So as ugly as it is to admit that I'm now back to 164 pounds and 40 inches around the waist at the thickest part, well, if I don't do it, I'm not going to shock myself into facing reality.  Maybe you need to do the same thing.  It requires bravery, but I bet you're up to the task. If I am, anyone is, trust me.

This is NOT a paid plug, but to jumpstart my weight loss and return to healthy living, I am going to do the "Michael Thurmond's Six Day Mini Makeover" and see if it works out for me.  If you've been eyeing this informercial and wondering if it's all hype, I'm about to debunk the myth or support the truth, whatever the end result is...and if it works for me, maybe it will work for you.  I don't accept money for discussing programs, vitamins, etc. (and hey, the way I've been as of late, I'm no respectable spokesperson).  I never will.  This blog is about the truth...and it's time I go to that headspace and stay there.  Want to join me?  You really aught to.  Lying to yourself and others has gotten you nowhere....

Comments

[Mabster]

"climbing furniture like he's a granola muncher scaling Mount Everest"

LOL!!! Best description ever!